Shadow Work is a practice that many people shy away from because, let’s face it, it’s daunting. It’s about confronting the parts of yourself that have been hidden away—your suppressed emotions, repressed memories, and the parts of you that have been locked up due to feelings of shame, guilt, or embarrassment. It’s not about exorcising demons or “fixing” yourself; it’s about coming face to face with your humanity and, more importantly, embracing it.
Why Shadow Work Matters
We often think of self-improvement as an external journey: new habits, healthier choices, positive thinking. But what about the parts of us that we don’t like facing? The parts of us that we’re embarrassed by, the decisions we regret, the times we felt like we messed up beyond repair? That’s where Shadow Work comes in—it’s about bringing those parts of yourself into the light and saying, “You’re a part of me, and that’s okay.”
Yes, it’s cringe-worthy. No one likes to look at the memories of when they’ve been the "bad guy" or acted foolishly. But these moments are just as much a part of who you are as your proudest accomplishments. Shadow Work invites you to say, "It’s cool. I can love this part of myself too."
Let’s Talk About Shame
One of the main reasons we avoid Shadow Work is because of shame. It’s a powerful emotion that keeps us stuck in self-loathing or self-rejection. But here’s the truth: shame is bullshit. Yes, you read that right. Shame, as we understand it, is a lie we’ve bought into—a lie that says, "I’m flawed, and that makes me unworthy."
Brené Brown, a leading researcher on shame, defines it as "the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging." Think about that. Shame convinces us that our imperfections make us unlovable, and because of that, we hide them. We shove down the parts of ourselves that don’t fit the image we want to project to the world, and in doing so, we fragment ourselves.
But here’s the thing: everyone is flawed. You are flawed. I am flawed. The person you admire most is flawed. We are human, after all, and part of being human is making mistakes, learning, and growing. That’s what life is about. And yet, we allow ourselves to feel unworthy of love because of our flaws? That’s where we need to draw the line.
The Shadow Work Process: How to Move Through Shame
So how do you begin this journey of Shadow Work? Let’s start with the thing that makes you squirm—the cringiest, most shame-inducing memory you can think of. The thing that, when it comes up, you push it back down because it feels too uncomfortable to sit with.
Got it? Now, let it come up. Don’t run from it. Feel through it. This is the hard part, but it’s also the transformative part. As you sit with that feeling, remind yourself: "This does not make me unworthy. I am allowed to be flawed and human, and I am still loved and still belong."
Say it over and over until it sinks in because this is the truth. You are allowed to make mistakes. You are allowed to have cringey, embarrassing, or regretful moments. These do not diminish your worth. They are part of your growth. You are still worthy of love.
Once you’ve allowed yourself to feel through that shame, the next step is forgiveness. Forgive yourself for whatever it is that’s been weighing on your heart. Acknowledge what you’ve learned from that experience. Understand that without it, you wouldn’t be who you are today. Flawed. Human. Beautiful.
Repeating the Process
Shadow Work isn’t a one-time thing; it’s a continuous process of uncovering, feeling, and healing. Every time you encounter a memory or aspect of yourself that brings up shame, apply the same process: feel it, confront it, forgive yourself, and move forward with more compassion and understanding for who you are.
Each time you do this, you’re reclaiming a part of yourself. You’re integrating the parts you’ve denied or rejected and making yourself whole again. And as you do this work, you’re freeing yourself from the heavy burden of shame that has been holding you back for so long.
Remember, shame is bullshit. You no longer have to live under its weight. You are worthy, flaws and all, and you deserve love—not despite your imperfections, but because of them.
Ready to Begin?
Shadow Work isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most rewarding practices you can engage in. It’s about learning to love yourself fully, even the parts you’ve hidden away for fear of judgment or rejection. So, I invite you to take this journey with me. Let’s move through our shame together and embrace the beautiful, flawed humans we are.
Doesn’t that feel better?